Beauty for ashes

What a joy to be able to have a vehicle to drive anywhere while my man is hard at work! This simple thing is something worth thanking God for after being a hermit in the house all summer.

We took off for the thrift store and found a large oversize shirt for Zach which says, 'SK8 Yard' then while continuing our drive to town, this sign immediately caught my attention.

Time for a check up. How am I doing as a Mom? Are there areas where I need to change?

Oh dear, here's one.

How many times have I raised my voice way to a higher decibel than it needed to be and crushed the very hearts of these dear children? Many times I've needed to bow my head in shame to the Lord for this act of impatience and anger. I was deeply convicted on Sunday. I can blame it on my mother or grandpa, but that won't do me a bit of good. The best thing is to acknowlege that this is sin in my life and the precious cleansing blood of Christ will wash me clean. What a wonderful Saviour we have! 

Secondly, I feel like I am still learning about respect. I know I wasn't really taught a whole lot about respecting men. Oh, I knew we were to submit, but to respect? I didn't see that panned out too well.

The idea of living with men and boys is something I'm still learning after growing up in a house full of girls. Maybe it's a lack of confidence. Or an act of perfection? New truths keep popping my way. I wish I had educated myself earlier. But why dwell on that? There's not a thing in the world I can do to reverse it, so why go back there? I'm starting with today.

 My husband is one of the most patient men around. He has taught me so much. His gentle ways have a way of leading me to respect him more. We have grown so close this past year. Even closer the past couple months. He is my best friend!

The best way to treat our sons is to love them as I would want to be loved rather than usurping authority over them with no respect. I am the disciplinarian in our family, but too many times I'm way too harsh.

When things are handled God's way, it's like a calm in the middle of a stormy sea. There is an absolute peace in the home. There are now more days like this. Oh, the old me threatens to creep up on me, but there is a change going on. A change that only God is capable of giving.

This journey has not been in vain. There has been trash in my heart that I had no idea was there.

God has a way of showing us our failures a little at a time. He knew I could never handle all of it at one time. So He reveals things slowly. It hurts my stinkin' pride. But I'd be foolish to hang on to it. So the best thing is to let it go and get rid of the anger and jealousy that threatens to consume me.

I've struggled to find my place in life. I mean how in the world do you keep friendships? And using the words of my friend, Does my effort to attain excellence drive people away from me? Or make them fearful of being with me?

I realize now that I had thought I could be bosom friends with everyone. That's simply not so. You just can't spill your guts to everyone on the block. BUT you can still be a friend! A Christ like friend. Aahh. What an unshackling! With Christ as my Ultimate Friend, I can be everyone's friend.

Do I strive to be a man pleaser? What does is matter what man thinks of me? It's God I want to please, not men.

I recently came across this verse in Galations 1:10 "For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ." 

Now that's sobering. I've been guilty.

The best lesson I'm learning is to receive God's forgiveness. For years, I was extremely hard on myself. Yeah, I know it comes in the pride category. I had heard that at a youth talk many years ago. Self pity is pride whether we like to hear it or not. And it's when I heard that talk that I quit pitying myself. Thank God!

 I see it clearly now in this writing. Berating myself is a form of pride. It's wanting to perform perfectly. That's simply not possible. Focusing on Christ is much better than focusing on my perfection. No wonder life was difficult.

Forgiveness in Christ is a healing remedy. Forgiving myself or rather, receiving God's forgiveness is the best cure-all. 

As Nancy Leigh DeMoss writes,

"Forgiveness is a mighty tool in the hand of an all-powerful God to bring healing all around, to every conceivable type of situation and relationship - past or present."

Back to the subject of respect, I need to continue to teach my girls and boys. How can I teach something that I myself am still learning? These princes and princesses are learning from my selfish actions.

'Hurry! We've got to finsh this photo shoot. We've got a little guy that has to use the potty.' And the older ones aren't cooperating. Lessons caught, not taught? Ouch!

And all the while, Mom shoots a dozen more photos. Then there was a mad dash for the bathroom at the grocery store a mile away.

I need the urgency of these firemen at a firecall. Our children are growing up and we don't have many years to teach them. I feel inadequate. Time's a wastin'. But I sense the call, and with God's help, my mate and I can finish our parenting job in time. I know without a doubt that our children forgive easily. I pray they will receive God's forgiveness just as spontaneously.

So with that, we'll turn the nozzle on and abolish our bad habits! Pssssshhhhhhhh!

My life was a charred mess, a pile of smoldering ruins, but God continues to restore it to a house for His honor. I am a work in progress.