I Will Carry You

It was our last day in FL when my mother-in-law broke the news to my husband and I that his brother and wife were experiencing complications with their unborn child. The sonogram showed that the baby was not taking in amniotic fluid. They chose not to talk about it until they knew more details.

She wrote an email to us March 25:

At this point, it looks like the delivery will be at the UVA instead of a home birth. It appears that the baby may have esophogeal atresia (which means the esophagus is not connected to the stomach). A baby usually swallows and processes the amniotic fluid it swims in, but we do not think ours is because it's stomach always remains small like a little bubble during the ultrasounds, when you should be able to see it fill up as it swallows. Therefore, I am left with all the fluid, which explains why I feel (and look!☺) like I'd be having my baby any day. (Merv's brother had esophogeal atresia when he was born, and surgery can easily be done to correct it, usually when the baby is several days old). If this problem doesn't soon take care of itself, they are considering tapping off some fluid so that I do not go into premature labor. That has risks too, but could give the baby a few more weeks to develop. The doctor says, "We need all the time we can get for this baby to finish forming, we'd rather not have a premie on top of it all." Also, our baby's arms and legs are shorter than they should be at this point of the pregnancy, and has several bones in them that are bowed. The doctor said they really cannot diagnose it as dwarfism or anything else at this point, because there is no pattern that says it would equal any specific diagnosis. He also said, "There are chances of you having a perfectly healthy child." !!!!!! Exciting and music to our ears!☺ So keep praying! .... that the baby would form to completion and that they wouldn't need to tap fluid. Ultrasounds are great, but they are not always accurate. My cousin recently had a baby that the doctors said has several spots on the brain and would probably be a Down's Syndrome child, but it was born perfectly healthy and normal as far as they can tell! ...And God still answers prayers to those who trust in Him.


And whether He answers our prayers exactly as we would choose or otherwise, we are looking forward to this baby's arrival, and know, like you said, that it is drawing us closer to Him.

Three days before the above email, we had been playing the beautiful song "I Will Carry You" by Selah and were thinking and praying for our loved ones. Also, we checked out the book at the library.

Interestingly, Amber finished reading this book before this past weekend and had summarized her favorite parts of the book to the me.

We made a trip to their house. Their three year term of being house parents at FMH is nearly complete and they found a rental they will be moving into. They've been doing some renovations at the house and thereby it will lower their rent payments, a nice swap - great for the homeowners and the renters. Merv was there to sand and refinish the hardwood floors because they would like to move in before the baby arrives.

We arrived with SIL not feeling well so the girls and I took over the cooking and kitchen while my mother-in-law did laundry. On Friday they went to see the doctor - an unplanned visit. That evening her backache started. Earlier that week she had been having trouble sleeping at night and frequently 'slept' on the chair.

Saturday the children and MIL took brunch to the men and then went to a library sale. We took their two little girls along. When we got back, my husband's parents went home and we enjoyed a delicious supper of grilled pork chops, baked macaroni and cheese, salad, and ice cream. SIL had a very hard time finding a comfortable position all evening long and her bladder began to hurt. She rubbed ben-gay on her back and was up and down, back and forth finding no comfortable position to sit, stand, or lie down. Yet with all her body pain written in her eyes and her face, she never complained and I could see the Lord all over her. Little did any of us realize she was in labor.

My feelings were like this. I wanted to go home and leave my SIL in peace so that I wouldn't be in their way. The men his quit working earlier than we had expected and even though we were planning to stay until Sunday, I just wanted to go home. Our daughter Allison had planned to stay for the week, but she didn't want us to go home until Sunday. And of course we wanted to stay with her.

Leaving early was never my husband's choice. It's only how I felt. So naturally we stayed. It was God ordained! We boarded at the guest house. At 2:30 AM I heard a voice. I thought maybe it's one of my sons wanting to use the restroom. But instead it was my brother-in-law saying his wife is in extreme pain and they are going to the hospital. Could one of the girls come and stay with their little ones? They had a few more things to pack, so I said, "We'll bring one of them down to the house. Leave and gather the rest of your things."

My husband took Allison to their house just a few hundred yards away and while BIL was giving some last minute instruction, he hear SIL laying on the horn and instantly knew something was wrong.

They called us at 6 AM and said the baby was born and didn't live.

The reason for the horn honking: her water broke, they left for the hospital but couldn't call the ambulance until they had cell service yet they kept driving until they met each other. One to two minutes iafter entering the ambulance, the baby was born with a purplish blueish color. No sound was heard, no crying. One half hour later, at the hospital they put life support on the little girl and her heart began to beat. The heart is an amazing thing!

The reason for the ventilator was they wanted to do some x-rays. They discovered a mass on the baby's chest that was pushing the heart and one side of the lung one way and the other side of the lung the other way that the sonogram had not picked up. The esophagus was not connected to the stomach and her little limbs were short and chubby. She was not strong enough to survive any surgeries and without life support, she wouldn't live. The difficult decision was made to disconnect the machine and her little body heaved, a reflex action.

She was named Sarah Hope and weighed 5 pounds 13 ounces. Both sets of parents and pastors were at the hospital all day. They received several other visitors. We stayed at the house taking care of the little ones who were not feeling well.

That's when I began to read I Will Carry You. What a wonderful book of the story of Todd and Angie Smith and the loss of their little Audrey Caroline.

Our dear brother and wife were discharged that evening and arrived home. The reality hit so very hard - Empty Arms - coming home without a baby. This is hard, Lord. But I whispered in her ear that God chose HER to carry that precious baby girl!

I am sure God is just waiting and is so very anxious to gather His chosen people. He doesn't like all the pain and suffering. Yet He is waiting for more people to accept Him as Lord of their lives. Meanwhile, he is gathering buds and calling people including Sarah Hope to come live with Him so that we may have a longing to go to heaven to be with Jesus for eternity!